Madness Undiscovered

By:Angela C.

Featured Picture: Angela C.

 

We are all mad
Knowing and searching
All the wrong
Do we find meaning?

Digging dirt in every other man,
Nothing in us
Clothing ourselves
Sanctity adorned dainty clothes

Perhaps the madness is that
We are self-absorbed
Matter obsessed
Number chained

Swallowed by shallowness
Shadowed by darkness
By man-made virtue and cultures
Nothingness now captures

What entity do we define us?
Even beast might despise
Or so even worst
No substance matters, we are of thirst

Pity land that hosts dwellers-
Who are watchers and blamers
These which are their mastery
Yet no good of professing

We question neutral sane
Narrowly ever determine
Maybe is the word
That could probably unfold

The crime of the fellow hastily we find
Look of disgust easily we compose
An accustomed doing for every individual
Perhaps maybe then we may know

To have a sight
How about a slight?
The madness we cant see
To know, -abling to wander and be free

 

Me

I…

 

For some people, its hard to elaborate their flaws and some maybe at what they’re good at.  But if I am to ask you, how many times  have you criticized yourself for the things you’re bad at, feel not confident enough with or just with basically anything that correlates with your insecurities?

 

I myself, have more than I can remember. You, see almost everybody does. All I can think of is that maybe instead of hearing from other people things that we don’t want to hear or that might hurt us, better be we be the ones to tell it to ourselves. For me, in some way, when I judge myself, I somehow feel a lot inclined or prepped before I hear some of those behind closed doors. I admit, subsequently though, I feel guilty about it. I feel down and discouraged by my thoughts. I don’t know if this could be identified as pessimism or of some kind. Maybe I’m just too coward to face the things that fears me or maybe I care too much about what other people think instead of focusing on the things that I’m good at,moreover, probably.  But this just shows greater dominance of what other people might think more than loving myself. I have to embrace these  unsatisfactory qualities I have and offer more time improving these perhaps, a lot better than prepping up my feelings in a way, I’ll feel more bad at later.  The whole thing about criticizing ourselves does not do any better, it just holes down our self love and confidence in general. If we look at ourselves, remember that little girl or boy inside you. What once a carefree kid, wrapped up with innocence about the world, now is troubled by thoughts. Imagine talking to yourself, to that kid inside you, would you be able to afford to say that?

Deep down we’re all gifted variably and we do not need to have a comparison with other people and at what they’re good at just to know we’re good enough. Much more it is insignificant for other peoples validations to interfere with this. You be you, they be them. We are worthy of our own and the rawness of our heart. We are not made up by other people’s thoughts, we are in charge of our own. Self love comes from accepting whats within and embracing ourselves

Have a delightful Holiday and prosperous New Year ahead.

How did your Christmas celebration went? Hope you had a joyful time with your family and friends. This surely is the perfect time to spend time with your loved ones or to at least make up time for those others who are afar from their relatives like me. I always am hoping that for each long holidays to come that I will be able to keep company with my loved ones but sadly, there are times that we just can’t ,whether  it may be due to the distance or work.Still taking this wonderful chance, I’m looking on the brighter side because hey! At least I get the chance to have time for myself , which I can’t do when I’m on a hectic schedule when I’m at school. So far , it’s been a week and a day of our Holiday break and not to count the days left until school starts because I’m not yet ready guys…Haven’t spent and enjoyed that much yet. I’m still stuck on this Holiday vibes. With this week and a day period, I celebrated Christmas with my family, which was fun , had lots of sleeps (in exchange are late night sleeps), went out with my friends which was also great because I miss hanging out with some of them. More things to  come, for sure! I’m still making the most out of the remaining time left and so I hope you guys are too! Take this as an opportunity to have leisure, make sure to seize the moment because sooner we’re again back to the reality of mondays and ughh weekdays in general. Have some time for yourself, whether it may be in a way of healing yourself, meditating, singing in the shower, having coffee alone, reading a really good book, learning a new song or recipe, or discovering a new hobby! There sure are a plenty of ways to waste your time around. Wishing you a Happy New year !Love lots:)

 

On My Own

After some time

I realize that I do not need

Anybody, for me to be strong

Well, it might be sad

But its the reality that 

I myself have to accept

It’s not that I really 

Do not need anyone

But I don’t have to rely

On them for me to stand

On My Own

All this time 

I have depended on them

As my true self and worth

faded within me

Its like being lost

In a place

Where you know 

You shouldn’t be lost

I don’t know

How to find my way out

Its like thinking where to go

Believing you’ll go nowhere

But what can I do now

Now, that I’m lost

Because all this time

I should’ve always

Always believed in myself

That I am enough

I myself is strong

That I am not dependent

That I am me for who I am

And for who I am not

Yes, I should’ve 

But still,

A part of me still believes

That I can stand on my own

And find my way out

-AngelaC

 

Picture- Mine

It hurts but it stops

Sometimes someone hurts you so bad

It stops hurting at all

Until something makes you feel again

-ReMoved Short Film

 

The pain that hurt brings
A never ending pain as you live by
A character of bold coated with mystery to test you out.
But sometimes its not just that
Sometimes it really gets so bad
So bad that you can’t help but cry
After sometime in the sun we get to taste the bitter darkness of the storm
We can’t resist but to wait
Until the sun comes up again
We keep asking “When will it be?”
Its not always predictable, its unpredictable
But once we start to see the light
We slowly start to believe
To believe in the happiness that hope brings.

 

The short film “ReMoved” totally made an impact to me and these are the words from my thoughts.

Picture-Mine

Leave, Live

Have you ever felt so comfortable with someone’s presence to the point where you consider that person as your other half? or soul mate? Like, imagine…. In this world full of people you only actually meet a rare amount of people who shares a lot of interests, likes,thoughts with you and is willingly happy to help you. Of course you’d feel lucky enough to be able to have someone whom you’ll know can lend you a shoulder, comfort you when needed and even go through deep talks with you and will listen to you wholeheartedly. 

But, what if these people whom we taught would stick with us through thick and thin, will someday leave us with no traces, but only what seem to be forgotten memories remains? What if the people we though who’ll accompany us and understand us with the problems we’re going through will be gone,forever?  What if they’ll LEAVE us hanging on to their promised words? Are we going to continue gripping the rope, hoping that they’ll comeback? Are we gonna reach out to them and tell them “What’s wrong? I thought we were happy with each other?” or even insist them to comeback and stand with their promised words? Are we going to keep the pain that weakens us day by day? Are we going to remain hopeless as if no more life sustains us? Are we going to continue asking ourselves what did we do wrong? or is there something we could’ve done? or are we going to simply ask “Why would they leave? Why, Why?. 

Or are we going  LEAVE everything in the past and LIVE better, better than we ever could? 

It’s always up to us to believe that we could still meet better ones that’ll keep us as treasures and will never give up on us and that there’s still always a life and a sunshine after a sentimental hardship,tragedy or experience.

-Still hoping that I could encounter someone , a friend, that could somehow fathom the depth of my thoughts, stick with me through rocky roads and happy sunshines and will never keep me hanging unto their promised words.

(Photo captured by: Sen Joey(My dearest aunt) *Thanks ta!)

Days in the Sun

So recently I have been loving this song and so, I decided to share it. The title is Days in the Sun from Beauty and the Beast.

Days in the sun
When my life has barely begun
Not until my whole life is done
Will I ever leave you

Will I tremble again
To my dear one’s gorgeous refrain
Will you now forever remain
Out of reach of my arms

All those days in the sun
What I’d give to relive just one
Undo what’s done
And bring back the light

Oh, I could sing of the pain these dark days bring
The spell we’re under
Still it’s the wonder of us I sing of tonight

How in the midst of all this sorrow
Can so much hope and love endure
I was innocent and certain
Now I’m wiser but unsure

I can’t go back into my childhood
That my father made secure

I can feel a change in me
I’m stronger now but still not free

Days in the sun
Will return, we must believe
As lovers do
That days in the sun will come shining through

 

This reminds me of how hope can still be there in times of darkness. Although we cannot go back to the old days and old memories, we could always keep them and make new ones.

 

For those who have not  watched Beauty and the Beast yet, I really recommend watching it!

I have achieved

I have achieved more than what I thought
Even if the skies are not proud
My God is proud of me
And if I doubt
I do not dwell on my sins
I dwell on my faith

-Picture AngelaC

Travel in time: Read

“Read books and you can travel the world”

Photo: Mine

(Thanks  to my cousin Nikki)